200 Funny Things To Say To People

Here are 200 funny things to say to people. This article would help you learn some hilarious things that can put a smile on some one’s face.

In the world today, we live in a social era which means it is really hard for you not to run into someone new. So you will always come across a new guy, a girl, or even an old acquaintance.  But the hard part is knowing what to say to start up an engaging conversation during the first encounter and honestly, it’s challenging. So this article is focused on 200 Funny things to say to people to put them in a comfortable spot and have an engaging conversation.

Funny Things To Say To People

• When someone says have a nice day, stare at them and say, “don’t tell me what to do”.
• Go to the pet store and ask for a cow
• In an elevator with many people in it, say “I’m sure you all are wondering why I gathered you here today”.
• When you are in school and someone speaks with a p.a system loudly, just say I’m hearing those voices again.
• Show someone a picture of yourself and ask them if they have seen this person before.
• In the public toilet, pass a note to the next person under the door next to you saying “they are on to us”.
• Point at an employee in the pet shop and say “Mummy I want that one”.
• When someone says grab a sit, literally grab a sit and walk out of the room.
• Go to the crowd and call out a random name and see who answers
• Hire a taxi, when the person asks you “where do you want to go to” say to infinity and beyond.
• Pick up a sliced chicken and scream “what have they done to you”.
• Enter a taxi and say follow that car, then point to a parked car.
• Put Mayonnaise in a bowl, freeze it then tell your friends it’s ice cream.
• Stay in an elevator then when few people enter, say I’ve been expecting you.
• Chase the ice cream truck until it stops for you,  then walk away.
• Take my advice — I’m not using it.
• I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
• The only thing I understand about Algebra: I look at my X and I wonder Y
• If you want to look young and thin, hang out around fat old people
• If you think no one cares if you’re dead or alive miss a couple of credit card payments.
• Whoever said money don’t buy you happiness just didn’t know where to shop!
• A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that you can get from your wife for free.
• I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn’t.
• I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house
• An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
• Some funny singing sayings: When I’m sad I sing, then I realize my voice is worse than my problems.
• My teeth itch
• My hair hurts.
• I’m going to get my toe nail-pierced this weekend.
• When in a grocery store ask the clerk “do you have Prince Albert in a can?” if they say yes, tell them to let him go.
• Chocolate milk comes from brown cows you know.
• Never play golf with a doctor who wears green socks.
• My nipple is broken.
• My eye socket is warm.
• Do you eat other people’s fingernails?
• Have you ever tried sleeping in water?
• Why aren’t shorts half the price of pants?
• When asked a question where you know the answer is yes, instead of saying yes, say “Does the Pope wear a tall hat?”
• If you are driving down the road and pass a field with hay bales laying in it, point at the field and yell “Hey”.
• Go into a pet store and ask them if they have sloths for sale.
• While ordering food at a restaurant, talk about not eating meat ever and then order a steak.
• While ordering food at a restaurant, ask the server for their top two dishes they like (or that people or), then choose something completely different.
• Why are apartments called apartments when they are all stuck together?
• Why are jumbo shrimp so small?
• What’s your favorite my little pony?
• Can vegetarians still eat animal crackers?
• Just text someone a random word and see what happens.
• Send a text message to your phone number but increase the last digit by one (your text friend.)
• Start a group text with random phone numbers and start talking about a serious problem you have.
• Send someone a text of a lottery ticket and tell them you just won $1,000,000.
• When a friend suggests going for coffee, say “Don’t you know there’s a war on?”
• When someone randomly changes the subject, shout, “He’s at it again!”
• In the middle of a positive conversation, interject, “Now let’s talk about why I’m bitter.”
• At the dinner table, when someone picks up a condiment, point at them and declare, “That is for members only.”
• When someone asks you a serious question, ponder for a moment, then reply, “Cats don’t roller skate.”
• The next time someone thanks you for something, say, “I’m going to hell so you don’t have to.”
• If you butt dial a friend, send them a text that says, “That was your final warning.”
• When someone says something negative about another person, nod thoughtfully and say, “He buttered his shoelaces upside down.”
• In a grocery store, ask a stranger, “Do you know where I might find pickled pollywogs?”
• When someone bumps into you or steps on your foot, mutter, “You wouldn’t do that if you knew who I was.”
• If you bump into someone or step on their foot, say, “I’m sorry. If I’d meant to do it, you’d know.”
• Enter a room full of people and say sullenly, “Well. The warthogs have outdone us all.”
• When asked how you are, say, “Up an anthill with a butter knife and a bowl of soup.”
• Send a work colleague an email that only says, “I regret to inform you that you are no longer welcome at The Knights Of The Twisted Knee.”
• Ask your boss for time off for “cake bereavement.”
• When you run across someone you know at random, tell them, “Hey, you. I want my wheelbarrow back!”
• When someone asks how you know a mutual friend, say, “Beetle fighting.”
• When someone asks where you’re from, stare at them blankly for an uncomfortable amount of time, then whisper, “They told me, Wisconsin.”
• Send a text that says, “I told you it would come to this. I told you seventeen times.”
• On an elevator, ask someone, “Are you here for the dog food tasting?”
• Offer someone a piece of gum and say, “It’s not what you think.”
• When someone asks a favor, say, “After all these years, am I still beholden to you?”
• When someone asks the time, say, “Time for a piece of porcupine piñata.”
• How many people put a suit in a suitcase?
• If someone gets plastered just where do you find the plaster?
• Why don’t we call a jumping jack a jumping jump?
• Is there such a thing as a honeymoon?
• Is Hong Kong related to King Kong or Donkey Kong?
• Is a shot of tequila related to a shot of penicillin?
• Why is a roller-coaster called such when it doesn’t roll and it doesn’t coast?
• Does a reality show really show reality?
• If corn can be corny can a can be canny?
• Can you ever find a whale in a well?
• If hamburger makes a meatloaf does laziness make me-a-loaf?
• Is Friday the end of the week, or is Saturday, or is Sunday, or is Sunday the first day of the week?
• If you say a prayer in church what do you say in the bathroom?
• If you relieve yourself in the bathroom can you also relieve yourself by eating?
• Does an airplane have brakes?
• What does the 19 mean in Covid? Will the next virus be Covid 20?
• If P.E. stands for Physical Education why does PPE stand for Personal Protective Equipment?
• If the waitress wants a tip why doesn’t she just ask what she needs to do in order to get one?
• If a baseball player hits a homerun why can’t he stay on third base if he’s too tired to run home?
• Why is a necklace called such, it doesn’t have any lace attached.
• Why don’t we call a chocolate chip cookie a CCC?
• Why is hopscotch named as such? It doesn’t have any hops and it doesn’t have any scotch.
• Is a bracelet considered to be a brace?
• Why is chocolate ice cream called chocolate when vanilla ice cream is not called yellow?
• Why is a pancake fried while a chocolate cake is baked?
• Why do we have royalty in a deck of cards such as the king and queen and then along comes the joker?
• Does everyone who says the Pledge of Allegiance really makes a pledge?
• Why do we say a person is fired when there is no fire?
• What happens when you tell someone to take a hike and you’re on an airplane?
• Is tin foil made from tin?
• When will we change “give you a penny for your thoughts” to “give you a dollar for your thoughts?”
• Can you find a card inside of cardboard or will you find a board?
• What happens to the plastic when you have plastic surgery?
• What do you do when you find the needle in the haystack?
• Can you use your putter to putter around the golf course?
• Is a motor home really a home with a motor on it?
• If you are in jail can you ever collect a get out of jail card for free?
• Would a crocodile snap at a snapping turtle?
• Are you supposed to serve coffee on a coffee table?
• Since basketball is named such why isn’t golf named golfball?
• If a condominium is called a condo why isn’t an apartment called an aparto?
• Is a heart attack the same as an attack of the heart?
• Why don’t we put “the beginning” like we put “the end?”
• If laughter is good for the soul what is the soul good for?
• If our economy is broken, how do we fix it?
• If you name your daughter Angel, aren’t you afraid she will fly away?
• Is corn candy related to corn nuts?
• If you shop inside the stock market is it stocked with fruits and vegetables?
• Can a car stop at a bus stop?
• How can you scoot along if you don’t have a scooter?
• If a picture is worth a thousand words, what would a mural be worth?
• If you are on a diet how do you feel about the first three letters in the word?
• Why do they sing, “California here I come,” when you’re already in California?
• Thank heavens for brown cows otherwise, there wouldn’t be any chocolate milk
• Do you ever fly in your dreams?
• As you walk in the street, passed someone, duck suddenly, and yell “Duck!”
• In a crowded elevator, start softly humming a song.
• While waiting in line, turn to a random person behind or in front of you and ask them “Do you mind holding my place while I use the restroom?”
• Ask your co-worker “Where do you see yourself in 30 years?”
• Ask someone if they always close their eyes when they sneeze.
• Walk up to someone and point at them in disbelief and say “Oh my God, it’s you!” and then run
• Put a little red dot on your finger and tell someone you got bit by a squirrel.
• Stand in the middle of the sidewalk and swing a hula hoop while waving at people as they pass by.
• Look up into the sky, as you walk on the street, and shout “They’re coming…they’re coming!”
• Do the fish drink the water in their tank or do they just swim in it?
• If you had to choose between being bit by a lion or attacked by a shark, which would you choose?
• Would you get married underwater?
• If you could re-live your high school years, what would you do differently?
• Tap a random person on the shoulder and say “I can read minds you know!” and firmly walk away
• I thought happiness started with an H. Why does mine start with U?”
•  “If I were a triangle, would you say I was an ~acute~ one?”
• “I had a dream that you asked me out on a date and I said, “No.” Can I please take it back?”
• “How much money does a pirate pay for corn? A buccaneer.”
• “Are you up for making a trade? How about a date for a kiss?”
• “On a scale from one to 10, you’re a nine… So, will you let me be the one you need?”
• “You’ve been everything I’ve been searching for… Hey, are you Google?”
• “What did the rice say to the teriyaki chicken? Honestly, IDK, but would you be down to grab some this weekend and investigate?”
• “What do you call an everyday potato? A commentator.”
• “Well, here I am. What are your other two wishes?”
• “Hey, my name’s Microsoft. Can I crash at your place tonight?”
• “I think there’s something wrong with my phone. Could you try calling it for me to see if it rings?”
• “What do I have to do to get on your drunk-dial list?”
• “On a scale of one to America, how ‘free’ are you tonight?”
•  “What songs do you usually sing in the shower?”
• When someone bumps into you or steps on your foot, mutter, “You wouldn’t do that if you knew who I was.”
• If you bump into someone or step on their foot, say, “I’m sorry. If I’d meant to do it, you’d know.”
• When asked a question where you know the answer is yes, instead of saying yes, say “Does the Pope wear a tall hat?”
• If you are driving down the road and pass a field with hay bales laying in it, point at the field and yell “Hey”.
• Chase the ice cream truck until it stops for you. Then walk away.
• Go to the movies with a spray bottle of water. Keep sneezing and spraying the person in front of you
• Go to Walmart and get a grape, put it on the conveyor belt at the checkout, and try to buy it.
• Buy a T.V and remote as same as your neighbors and go outside changing the channels.
• Go into a pet store and ask them if they have sloths for sale.
• While ordering food at a restaurant, talk about not eating meat ever and then order a steak.
• While ordering food at a restaurant, ask the server for their top two dishes they like (or that people or), then choose something completely different.
• Why are apartments called apartments when they are all stuck together?
• Why are jumbo shrimp so small?
• What’s your favorite my little pony?
• Can vegetarians still eat animal crackers?
• Just text someone a random word and see what happens
• When someone asks you if you know what time it is, say yes and walk away.
• Stay in the back of an elevator until a few people enter and say “I’ve Been Expecting You”.
• Look at a see-through glass and when someone is on the other side shout “OH MY GOD, I’M HIDEOUS!”
• Call someone to tell them you can’t talk right now.
• Point at someone and shout “You’re one of them!” Run and pretend to trip. Crawl away slowly.
• Buy a donut and complain that there’s a hole in it.
• Go to a football game and hold up a sign that says “The guy behind me can’t see.”
• Dress up as a giant m&m and run through a busy place shouting “THE SKITTLES ARE COMING!”
• Go to McDonald’s and ask for a sad meal, then yell “SAD PEOPLE HAVE TO EAT TOO!”
• Write “Free Gumballs” on a piece of paper, and tape it to a gumball machine, and watch.
• Tape a walkie-talkie to a tree or a lamppost and as people walk by say some random innuendos.
• Find a grumpy person, give them a Snickers and say, “You’re not you when you’re hungry” and walk away
• When someone says “have a nice day”, stare at them and say, “don’t tell me what to do”!
• Make a cardboard car and go through a local drive-through, then act as if everything’s normal.
• Pretend to pass out in a busy place. When someone touches you scream “I WAS SLEEPING!” and run away.
• Dress up as an m&m then run through the mall yelling ” the skittles are coming!”.
• Go to a pet shop and ask for a cow.
• In an elevator with many people in it, say “you may be wondering why I’ve gathered you here today”.
• Make loud groans in a public bathroom then drop a cantaloupe in the toilet and sigh in relief.
• Drive a tricycle past a cop while drinking a juice pouch screaming “YOU CAN’T CATCH ME”.
• When you’re at school and someone talks on the p.a. system say loudly, “I’m hearing those voices again”.
• Hide in a clothing rack in Walmart, and when somebody goes by yell “PICK ME! PICK ME!”
• Go to Ikea, hide in a closet until someone walks by, jump out and yell “I’m back from Narnia!”
• Go to the vet with a can of mashed tuna and ask can you fix him?
• Point into the sky and say “look a dead bird” and see how many look.
• Beauty lies in the eye of the beer holder.
• If at first, you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried

Please, feel free to share below, funny things that can be said to people.